Tuesday, 3 May 2011

#6. Police Officers.

Let me start off by saying that over the past 2 years I have had more encounters with police officers than my entire teenage years of drinking my vodka/rum/whiskey/whatever I could find in my parents liquor cabinet concoction. These drinks were often disguised in a 7-11 Slurpee cup and brought into various public places. They, more often than not, tasted worse than licking the bottom of your shoe. (I have never done this, but imagine it would taste offensively disgusting) However, as much as I would like to discuss my teenage drinking years *here* to save the embarrassment of myself and my parents for that matter (who were often confronted with watered down vodka, of which they served to their guests and could never understand why it took so long for them to get drunk) I will restrain myself.

As I said, I have had many encounters with police officers over these past 2 years. Last year, the house I was living in was broken into. My laptop was stolen, as well as my ability to sleep soundly through the night (without a 2x4 situated next to my bed). Somehow I imagined that if the burglars ever came back I would wake up, grab the 2x4 to defend myself, and that would be the end of it. Years of playing softball had to come in handy at some point, right? Wrong. Instead of encountering them in my sleep, I encountered them outside, on my back porch, attempting to get into the house once again (my 2x4 was in the house at the time).

ME: "Excuse me, can I help you?
Burglar: "I'm looking for Sasha. Does Sasha live here?"
ME: "NO, there is no Sasha here"
Burglar: "Well uhhh, she said to meet me here"
ME: "Well uhhh, you should probably leave"

I don't know what came over me when I encountered this man. I would think I would have ran and hid somewhere but somehow the stubbornness that I embody (which is ALOT) got the best of me and I couldn't fathom backing down to this man (who probably sat home at night going through every photo on my laptop, laughing to himself about the documented life he just stole from a 23 year old girl) ANYWAY, you get the gist of what happened. My house got robbed. My stuff got stolen. Life sucked. In the chaos of all this happening, I dealt with numerous police officers who searched and fingerprinted the house I was living in, with hopes of tracking down who this man or men were that stole my shiz. No such luck, they were never found and nor was the stuff they douchebaggadly (yes, i made that up) stole.

That was encounter #1.

Encounter #2 happened last night. I feel like before I start this story, I need to justify why it happened in the first place (to save myself from being accused of being a 24 year old going on 80). Last year when I lived in the house I was perviously telling you about, I lived with 6 other girls. YES, 6 OTHER GIRLS. I can officially go on record and say this WAS the worst experience in my entire existence. Not only was the house falling apart but my room was in the basement. This, I thought was a good idea at first because  being the "to-myself" person that I am (i.e: I like to be alone and can't handle anyone up in my bizz) I figured I could hide away in the basement and no one would bother me. WRONG. Note to self and everyone else for that matter: When you live in a house that does NOT have insulation between the floorboards and the ceiling DO NOT choose the room in the basement. You will hear everything, and I mean everything. Details are unnecessary here because I think you get the idea. To make a long story short; the house was noisy. I slept with earplugs every night (I thought the day I would sleep with earplugs would come when, with my luck, will probably end up marrying someone that snores louder than the cement truck outside my building right now). Alas, it did not and earplugs ended up being my best friend that year.

So, you can imagine that when looking for a new place this year, I wanted somewhere quiet. And when I say quiet, I mean Nunnery quiet. I chose the apartment I am in at the moment because the landlord swore by the quietness of the building. When I walked in to view the place, there were photos of Jesus everywurrrr. She informed me that a priest had currently stayed in the apartment I am in now, so I figured if it was quiet for Father Michael than God bless me, it would be quiet for me too. WRONG. For the most part my building is quiet, except for the construction across the street that has been going on for the past 6 months and most importantly, except for the Douchebag that lives below me who blasts his disco, Richard Simmons music until 430am. The latter is the subject that inspired this entire rant.

Last night I was sleeping soundly in my bed. No disturbances. No being woken up by the sounds of  grotesk sex sounds. I was happy. Until 3:30 am hit and my walls began vibrating with the sounds of Euro Discotek music and people yelling "F* this" "F* that", "I'm going to kick his ass man." Let me also state here that this entire time I have always thought that it was the person above me making all this noise. I have had many nights of banging on the ceiling with my broomstick like an old hag, hoping that the man upstairs would turn down his music and shut the * up. Low and behold, that man upstairs has been sleeping soundly, probably thinking I am off my rocker. Let me also further state that all of this happened on a SUNDAY night.

So, when my walls began to vibrate and the choches began to fight, I decided to call my friends at the local police department to file a noise complaint. I've realized over the years that 1) no one messes with me and my sleep and 2) i hate ignorant people that think the entire universe centres around them. The police officers showed up at 3:40 am and because I have always thought the noise was coming from the apartment above, they knocked on apartment 307 and were confronted by a man in his pyjamas half asleep (insert HUGE apology to apartment 307 man *here*) After this, they came down to my apartment and informed me that it sounded like the noise was coming from the apartment below. This made me feel tremendous amounts of guilt for all the abusive ceiling banging I have inflicted upon Mr. 307 but happy that they were kindly here to extract that noisy douches from the building. After they left my place, they made their way to 107 and took care of those Euro Discotek, Chochy, Douchey fools. I climbed into my bed with a HUGE smile on my face, knowing that I was going to get the good night sleep I longed to have (although it was disturbed at 7am with the sounds of a cement truck outside my building). To sum up this long story, I would like to send a BIG !High-Five! to the 2 police officers and their act of kindness that allowed me to sleep soundly without any disturbances from the douchey choches and their Euro-discotek, Richard Simmons "music". !High-Five! police officers, !High-Five!

Thursday, 21 April 2011

#5. Public Transit Seat Giver.

When taking public transit you are confronted by all sorts of people. Of these sorts, 2 stand out most profoundly. They are: The Seat Hoarders and The Seat Givers.

Like in every binary, one would not exist without the other. However, I think I speak for most of us public-transit-loser-cruiser individuals (that would rather be riding in a car listening to our OWN tunes than some punk metal Metallica humping fools) when I say: “Shame on YOU Seat Hoarders and !HIGH-FIVE! YOU Seat Givers.”

Yesterday I decided to embark on a public transit adventure and meet my 2 girlfriends' downtown for Lunch. I have always been a public transit taker for my years at University because the justification of giving more money than necessary to the University (for a parking spot) makes me more nauseated than the tea-cup ride at Disneyland (of which I have thrown up on, and yes, I was THAT kid holding up the line because the ill-paid worker had to hose the shiz out of that puke stench like a firefighter fighting a raging blaze). Regardless, public transit has been my frenemy for years.

Let me paint you a picture of what us public transit folks articulate as the “Seat Hoarders.” These people are straight up selfish. They are either a) only children who never learned to share OR b) they are actually smart and realize that anyone taking public transit is not to be trusted (Insert: Man decapitating other Mans head with a knife on Greyhound *HERE*). These people go to every extent to avoid anyone snatching the seat beside them. They put their backpack down on the seat and pretend they’re sleeping, they position themselves between the two seats to make it look like they need as much room as possible, they place the newspaper down on the seat and act like it was there when they sat down or if they’re really smart, they sit on the seat closest to the isle and leave the seat next to the window open, place their backpack on the window seat and create such a barrier between the standing individual and the "available" seat, that the standing individual can’t be bothered to ask to sit down. To sum it up, these people suck.

Who DON’T suck are the Seat Givers. These people deserve a HUGE HIGH-FIVE for their kindness because they relieve us tired folk from baring the brutality of the bus drivers crazy abrupt stops that send us flailing into the person in front of us and create that awkward situation where everyone stares and wants to laugh but doesn’t because it’s just THAT awkward.

As I was saying, yesterday I met my 2 girlfriends’ downtown for lunch and when I was on my public transit journey to meet them, I witnessed a Seat Giver! (Insert booty dance *HERE*) Seat Giver gave up his seat so the boy sitting next to him could sit next to his friend. This is where it gets good... As Seat Giver got up to give the boy his seat, a woman just entering the Skytrain (with no idea what kind act was about to take place) SNATCHED the seat before the boy could even get to it. She dove in there more slyly than A.C. Slader AND Zach Morris combined. When this happened, everyone looked at eachother and laughed and the woman was embarassed that she just ruined the kind act that was taking place. She got up abruptly and apologized but because she scored so many points for her quickness in snatching that seat up; the boy insisted she just take the seat. I suppose then, there were 2 Seat Givers in this scenario.

What a lucky public transit experience; 2 Seat Givers, NO Seat Hoarders and I even made it to lunch on time. SO - HIGH-FIVE Seat Giver(s) for your kind act that made a Skytrain full of people want to do gymnastics tricks from the handrails!

Thursday, 14 April 2011

#4. Stress Reliever.

I am currently a fourth year university student (graduating next year, hoorah!). This time of the year proves to be most stressful because classes are winding down, which means exams are winding up. Exams have proven to be the "monster in the closet" of my adult years. I fear them and I can't sleep because of them. The only thing that separates the exam from the monster is that the exam exists and must, must be defeated (hopefully). While I have never been a student who works well under time constraint and pressure (even though my resume says i do, woops!), test anxiety often gets the best of me. So, the other day I was in the library telling a friend of mine how my anxiety levels were higher than the Northern star.... !and just like that! she shuffled through her backpack like a 6 year old kid who just received a golden star on their first spelling test, and pulled out... wait for it... ALL NATURAL, ANXIETY-STRESS RELIEVER, FOCUS ENHANCER chewable tablets. Granted, they tasted more disgusting than great-grandma's mince-meat pie (sorry grandma!) but by-golly did I feel better. Surely, it was probably all psychological but regardless, that kind act made me do cart-wheels down the library isles. Sending a BIG high-five out to Stephy for her act of kindness that made this little one a whole lot less fearful of the BIG, BAD exam... dun, dun, dunnnnn.

Saturday, 9 April 2011

#3. Homework Helper.

I'm beginning to think I have a problem because I am sitting in this coffee shop far too often. A friend of mine once wrote an article illustrating coffee shop's and their resemblance to church's. Clearly not in the  religious sense (unless your cup of joe is blessed by the holy man himself). And at this point, with exams around the corner, I may consider being baptized by the java goodness because God knows I can't live without it... Anyway, he related coffee shops to church's because they're a place where we all congregate. Once you become a regular, you create a sense of community between yourself, other regulars and the barista. And in my opinion, the baristas are little angels sent from above, blessing my day with a cup of holy goodness that keeps me from committing the sin of crankiness onto the world. Anyway... as I sit in the coffee shop, I see a girl helping an exchange student with his English homework. Undoubtedly, he is having a heck of a time understanding why there are 3 different versions of there,their,they're in the English language, and as much as I want to scream a big YOU CAN DO IT in his face, I resist. The homework helper keeps on plugging along while little lightbulbs go off in the student's head as he begins to comprehend. So, HIGH-FIVE to homework helper and her kind patience in explaining "why they're drinking there their coffee over their there". High-five for kindness homework helper, HIGH-FIVE.

Friday, 8 April 2011

#2. Coffee Shop Door Holder.

Sometimes the simplest acts of kindness can make someones day. We all go about our days at such a high pace and forget to take a step back and appreciate the little things. Yesterday, in the midst of the coffee rush at my local coffee shop (i say my like it's really 'mine' because with the amount of money i've spent there i could own the place by now) there was a man in a wheelchair struggling to get in the door. Without hesitation, a man sitting reading his morning newspaper and drinking his steamy cup of goodness, got up in a jiffy and held the door for the young man. I wanted to go throw him a big high-five but wasn't sure if this was appropriate. So I smiled to myself and said BOOYAH KINDNESS BOOYAH. High-five coffee shop man for your kindness that made me want to drink my morning coffee through a crazy straw. You ROCK!

Sunday, 3 April 2011

#1. Bus Boy and the Scarf.

Here's to the boy on the bus who asked the driver to stop the bus because an elderly man forgot his scarf on his seat. Bus boy ran a block to return the elderly man his scarf and although there were lots of unhappy campers on the bus who were probably running behind schedule, I salute you bus boy for your act of kindness. You made an elderly man's neck a lot less colder that day and a young girls hope in humanity a lot more stronger. High five for kindness bus boy!